30

Tomorrow I turn 30. Yes, 30. Thirty years old. And, truthfully, I'm feeling old. Old, in the sense that I always thought I'd be in my 20's, always have young children, always have a 21 year old body, and always have hair that I dye for fun and not because I have to hide the grays. But not any longer. Sheesh. I'm not going to be that person anymore. And I'm feeling old.

Last night I was standing in front of the mirror examining my hair for grays, when my cute husband came in. I turned and looked at him, frowned, and asked if he's still going to like me when I'm 30, when I'm not his young 20-something wife, when people don't look at me anymore and ask if I'm 18. His response? Well, it was the usual rolling of the eyes, but then followed by him taking me in his arms and telling me that he'll always love me, no matter my age. What a guy, right?

This morning, as I woke up to my screaming 6 month old, ready for her 4 AM feeding, I felt old again. Old, in the sense that I've come to realize that sleep is a thing of the past, that I am no longer the boss - my children are -, and that my children are growing up way too quick. But, as the hours wore on (my little Blythe refused to go back to sleep until nearly 7:00 - oh joy), and as I held my restless baby, I got to thinking about my 20's, about all the things that have transpired during these years. And, unconsciously, a mental list was made in my head, documenting my life for the past 10 years.

- I went to college

- Got my first car, moved out of my parents house, got a real job

- I met my Nate and was married at 21

- We moved to Salt Lake City, UT

- I had 2 miscarriages

- We moved to Des Moines, IA

- We bought our first house

- I had our sweet, Gwen

- And, 13 months later, I had our sweet Beckham...

Who had a heart transplant

Who had a stroke

Who nearly gave me a stroke!

Who spent over 200 days in the hospital

Who developed Evans Syndrome

Who....okay, I'll end the "Beckham" list because it will get way too long!

- Nate graduated from Nursing school

- We moved to Iowa City for Nate's NP doctorate

- I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer while 7 months prego

- I had our sweet baby, Blythe

- Blah, blah, blah

But, then, I realized that my 20's were so much more than a list, a list that might sound a tad trite. For they were the most meaningful time of my life, and, they could not be documented so trivial. So, because of this, I made another mental list, documenting more in depth what my life in my 20's has been.

- I became independent and learned to appreciate my parents when I moved away

- I had to learn responsibility and make car, rent, and tuition payments (which sucked!)

- I fell in love for the first time to the most amazing man I know, and married him for time and all eternity in the Temple

- We moved away from our home in Utah, and fell in love with the people of Iowa

- I became a mother for the first time - something that was even harder and even better than I ever could have imagined - to a baby girl

- I birthed a huge, darling baby boy, and then had to watch him suffer over and over and over again, ripping my heart out with ever step of the way. But I got to witness miracles, miraculous miracles, and see my family brought together because of all he has gone through, and also see the healing that happened to a family who lost their son, and gave my son his heart

- I watch my husband succeed, despite all of our trials

- I realized that, even with a huge scar on your neck, a cancer diagnosis, and the loss of a thyroid, you can still feel beautiful

- I was given a gift of a 3rd child, who has blessed our lives, and has healed us all

I'm okay with turning 30....that is, if my 30's will be a little less hectic, and a little more low key. But, no matter how they turn out, I still am surrounded by the blessings of my 20's, and the people that I love the most. And, for me, that make's getting older just fine.