First Birthday for my baby (sniff, sniff)

I know - how lame of a blogger am I, right? Seriously! Looking at the break between my posts is, well, embarrassing. And, sadly, I don't have much of an excuse. But, instead of beating myself up, the best I can do it play 'catch up." So, this is the best place to start, with my little sweetheart, who sadly, is growing up too fast (sniff, sniff).

Little Blythe, you are now 1 year old and breaking your mothers' heart because you are growing up way too quickly. I've enjoyed this last year so much...and not just because we have been hospital free (for the most part) and stable, but because we've been able to have you in our lives, making us smile and laugh and be reminded of what life is all about. You are well loved because you are....

unbelievably adorable (honestly, how cute is that little face?),

even when you're naughty,

or grumpy,

or messy (here she is enjoying her Birthday cake),

or sleepy.

But, you are also well loved because you've made a perfect little place in our hearts that is irreplaceable and we are so glad that you are ours forever. Happy first Birthday, Blythe (on the 12th...oops, I'm a little late), we love you so much.

Birthday boy (yesterday)

Our little boy is now 1461 days (4 years), and we all think that that is something to celebrate, especially because we were told that he might not make it one day. But look at him now:

Happy.....in a happy/vomiting looking sort of way.

Sad

Excited

Attempting the impossible (aka -trying to wink)

Sleepy

Unsure

And, adorable!

Happy Birthday, buddy! Go ahead, blow out your candles (or your dandelion) because you deserve it! We're so grateful for the last 1461 day and every day that we have with you. We love you!

7 months old

My little sweetie is already 7 months, and those 7 months flew right by in the blink of an eye.

It seems like yesterday when I brought her home from the hospital, was supporting her head when she was held, nursing her at all hours of the night, and waiting patiently for her to smile. Now, she can crawl all around the room, sit up on her own, and almost never stops smiling and laughing. And, truthfully, I'm a little sad that my baby is growing up so fast.

I can't begin to describe what our little Blythe means to our family, nor can I even begin to describe how much we love this little baby. But, if I had to describe her in one word, it would be: delightful. For she is a complete delight.

I've heard mixed reports from people who have had a child after having an ill child, and they range all the way from "healing," to "not the best decision," to "a huge change." But, I can say without hesitation, that having this little baby has given us something in our lives that we never expected - Heaven on earth. For she has brought our family back together and made us forget that there was ever any chaos, or that there will ever be.

We love you, baby girl, and we're so grateful that you were sent to our home and get to be ours forever! But, please, stop growing up so fast!

P.S - thanks Kally and Rick for taking such great pictures of all of my kiddos! You're so talented!

Kid Captain

(aren't his curls adorable? I can't bring myself to cut his hair, even though, when wet, his hair hangs clear past his nose)

Every year the University of Iowa Children's Hospital chooses 13 children (out of about 300 applicants) who are current and former patients of the hospital, for their Kid Captain program for each of the Iowa Hawkeye football games (both home and away games). And, guess what? This year, our little Beckham was chosen! How cool is that? Here is a link to the official announcement.

On top of him being chosen to be honored at the Iowa bowl game, given that they go to a bowl game (he will also be mentioned at the Pittsburgh vs. Iowa game which we will attend), they also came to our house and filmed a video of him which will be displayed at the game and will be available on YouTube, and they took pictures of him in a Hawkeye jersey. I wish I could display all of the pictures they took, but the photographer charges a ridiculous amount of money just for a copy (seriously! She wants $20 for just one a 5x7. Really?). Though, my favorite part of the photo shoot was when the photographer was taking pictures of Beckham (he was conveniently being defiant to everything she asked him to do....shocker), and she asked him to hold up his finger and shout, "Hawks are #1." He responded by holding up his middle finger (he likes to point with that finger), smile mischievously, and shout that the "Hawks are #1." It was classic!

Thank you, University of Iowa Children's Hospital for choosing our little guy! We feel very honored and grateful that Beckham gets to have this opportunity.

-Beckham & Co.

30

Tomorrow I turn 30. Yes, 30. Thirty years old. And, truthfully, I'm feeling old. Old, in the sense that I always thought I'd be in my 20's, always have young children, always have a 21 year old body, and always have hair that I dye for fun and not because I have to hide the grays. But not any longer. Sheesh. I'm not going to be that person anymore. And I'm feeling old.

Last night I was standing in front of the mirror examining my hair for grays, when my cute husband came in. I turned and looked at him, frowned, and asked if he's still going to like me when I'm 30, when I'm not his young 20-something wife, when people don't look at me anymore and ask if I'm 18. His response? Well, it was the usual rolling of the eyes, but then followed by him taking me in his arms and telling me that he'll always love me, no matter my age. What a guy, right?

This morning, as I woke up to my screaming 6 month old, ready for her 4 AM feeding, I felt old again. Old, in the sense that I've come to realize that sleep is a thing of the past, that I am no longer the boss - my children are -, and that my children are growing up way too quick. But, as the hours wore on (my little Blythe refused to go back to sleep until nearly 7:00 - oh joy), and as I held my restless baby, I got to thinking about my 20's, about all the things that have transpired during these years. And, unconsciously, a mental list was made in my head, documenting my life for the past 10 years.

- I went to college

- Got my first car, moved out of my parents house, got a real job

- I met my Nate and was married at 21

- We moved to Salt Lake City, UT

- I had 2 miscarriages

- We moved to Des Moines, IA

- We bought our first house

- I had our sweet, Gwen

- And, 13 months later, I had our sweet Beckham...

Who had a heart transplant

Who had a stroke

Who nearly gave me a stroke!

Who spent over 200 days in the hospital

Who developed Evans Syndrome

Who....okay, I'll end the "Beckham" list because it will get way too long!

- Nate graduated from Nursing school

- We moved to Iowa City for Nate's NP doctorate

- I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer while 7 months prego

- I had our sweet baby, Blythe

- Blah, blah, blah

But, then, I realized that my 20's were so much more than a list, a list that might sound a tad trite. For they were the most meaningful time of my life, and, they could not be documented so trivial. So, because of this, I made another mental list, documenting more in depth what my life in my 20's has been.

- I became independent and learned to appreciate my parents when I moved away

- I had to learn responsibility and make car, rent, and tuition payments (which sucked!)

- I fell in love for the first time to the most amazing man I know, and married him for time and all eternity in the Temple

- We moved away from our home in Utah, and fell in love with the people of Iowa

- I became a mother for the first time - something that was even harder and even better than I ever could have imagined - to a baby girl

- I birthed a huge, darling baby boy, and then had to watch him suffer over and over and over again, ripping my heart out with ever step of the way. But I got to witness miracles, miraculous miracles, and see my family brought together because of all he has gone through, and also see the healing that happened to a family who lost their son, and gave my son his heart

- I watch my husband succeed, despite all of our trials

- I realized that, even with a huge scar on your neck, a cancer diagnosis, and the loss of a thyroid, you can still feel beautiful

- I was given a gift of a 3rd child, who has blessed our lives, and has healed us all

I'm okay with turning 30....that is, if my 30's will be a little less hectic, and a little more low key. But, no matter how they turn out, I still am surrounded by the blessings of my 20's, and the people that I love the most. And, for me, that make's getting older just fine.

Make-A-Wish

This amazing organization

came and asked this cute, curly haired, little boy

to make a wish. And, guess what? He wished to meet these entertainers:

(I know, it's a shocker that he chose to meet them, right?)

And the best part (not that seeing 4 grown men, dancing around in colored shirts, singing to children, isn't exciting enough!)? He gets to meet them here:

and WOW is he excited (and the rest of us, too....though we're a little more excited for the latter).

Thank you Make-A-Wish Foundation! You've given our little Beckham something that will mean more to him than we could ever fathom. We can't wait to take this trip as a family and see the expression that comes across his face when he gets to see The Wiggles in person. I know it will be priceless!

5 years old

Our little Gwen turned 5 today...

yes, 5....

already 5 years old....

Yikes!....

and just as beautiful and more, than the day she was born....

and boy do we love her!

Happy Birthday, beautiful Gwen! Your little life has blessed our home in a way we never could have imagined. We love you!

Boo to the Flu

Last week was Spring Break, which should have been filled with park outings, picnics, swimming, and basically anything where we could enjoy the slight warmth in our Iowa weather. But, unfortunately, it was anything but...and "but" meaning: fevers, snot, coughing and, of course, an ER visit with a confirmed Flu diagnosis. Yeah, Spring Break was spent a little more like this:

We've all stayed relatively healthy in our household for the last little while give or take a few sniffles and so forth, and more importantly, we've had a hospital-free streak for Beckham for almost 6 months (a record!). And I was hoping to keep this steak up, but, sadly, that was not the case. The whole family except myself (not sure how that happened) caught the flu bug, and was quite sick, but bounced back after 3 or 4 days. But when Beckham spiked a fever last Monday that would not go down past 103.8 with Tylenol, I knew that we were ER bound. Beck's fever lasted not 1, or 2, but 6 days straight. And I'm not talking about low grade fevers, but smoking hot fevers where we had to use Ibuprofen (for those that don't know, Ibuprofen is a "no-no" for transplant patients) to get them to at least go down to 102. Because of the fevers, Beckham, broke out if sores all over his mouth, chin, tongue, and up his nose. And, the blisters only got worse because they are on a 3 year old that will not keep his hands out of his nose because, in his words, "booger's are so yummy" (awesome). The good news is that we avoided a hospital stay, but only just barely.

As for now, Beck's fevers have finally broken, but he still looks pretty rough and is still achy all over his body, which his doctor believes is from Synovitis - accumulations of fluid (from his flu virus) around his joints, causing severe pain. But, so far, we have not noticed any signs of him bouncing back into his blood disorders - Evans Syndrome or Glannzman Thrombathsthenia - and we are crossing our fingers that it stays that way.

Here's to hoping that next year's Spring Break will have a little bit of a different outcome, and that we might get a flu shot that covers all the forms of the flu. Hmm...I can hope, right?

Being their mommy.....

I know it has been a while since I have posted, and I know that the blog is due for a update about our family of 5, but that is going to have to wait because tonight I have a little something else on mind, something that I won't be able to get off my mind until I type it out. Here goes:

Most of our - our, meaning the kids and I - days are spent inside our little house in Iowa, stir crazy, and waiting impatiently for this long, cold winter to end. And, sadly, it seems like Mother Nature is bent on making it so that never happens, torturing us with constant cold, wet weather, making our short 24 hour days, seemingly endless. And, as you can imagine, the kids and I are more-than-ready to go outside and spend time doing anything but indoor activities, but knowing this will have to wait for a little while longer.

Today was definitely one of those days - long, cold, stir crazy, and without Nate to help distract us all. Plus, I was up to my ears in laundry, had nothing started for dinner, and my patience was completely shot. And, of course, my children made sure to test every boundary during this day, making me want to rip out every last hair on my head. They had been to time out so many times today (except Blythe, of course!) that it was more like a vacation spot than a punishment.

Take for instance my little Gwen -

So sweet, so loving, and so full of question after question after question. And, when she is not asking a question, she is tattling on her little brother, and not just some of the time, but ALL of the time (I bet that if tattling were a major in college, Gwen would have a PhD!). Today was totally one of those "question" and "tattling" days, followed with meltdowns every time I did not have an answer to her question and when I did not get after her brother after she tattled on him.

Also, there is my boy, Beckham -

So cute, so funny, and so FREAKING naughty! Seriously, I thought that he would have grown out of the naughty "2 year old" stage now that he is 3, but it seems to only get worse with age. And today, after purposefully making a mess of everything I cleaned up, climbing my bookshelves, destroying our DVD's, and then literally making a swimming pool on the bathroom floor during his bath, he also decided that the best place to wipe his chocolate covered mouth was on my off-white rocking chair cushions (lovely).

Even our perfect, beautiful, and precious baby girl, Blythe, had a super gassy day, requiring my arms to be holding her for almost the entire day. Normally this would not be an issue because I love to hold my babies! Love, love, love it! But today was hard as I had two other kiddos requiring a lot of attention, and my cute husband was working and not able to offer another set of arms.

So, as bed time rolled around tonight, and as I was finally able to have some "me time" and sit down without an interruption, and maybe stew over my frustrations, you'd think that I would be grateful for the break, or relieved that I was finally able to have some time away from my kiddos...but I wasn't. Actually, on the contrary, I was missing them, missing their faces, missing their smiles and missing their laughter. And, as strange as it might sound, I wished they were awake.

I hated that I spent the entire day being annoyed and flustered, when they bring me more joy than I can even express. I hated that I could be so selfish as to lose my patience over and over and over again when they are only being children, and only doing what they do best...and that is being them.

And, so, I got up and went to their bedrooms and looked at their sweet sleeping faces and thought "I can't believe they're mine!" and "how did I get so lucky as to be their mom?" And then I went and prayed to my Heavenly Father, thanking Him for my children, asking for forgiveness for my shortcomings and promising to do better tomorrow.

I love being a mom. Love, love, love it! There is nothing else I'd rather be doing. And, even though I have days like today full of busy, frustrating kiddos, and where I am makeup-less, have yet to have a shower and it's 10:00 PM, and am covered in baby puke, I know that it's worth it. The good and the bad, the happy the sad, the whole she-bang. It will always be worth it.

-Kim